Approaching Grief In The Era Of COVID-19
Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. When we think of grief, we usually think of death. However, grief is not just about death; it’s a natural response to a loss. Therefore, you can grieve many different things, and due to COVID-19, pretty much everyone is grieving something: a canceled graduation, a postponed wedding, a lost job, or simply not being able to experience some of your favorite summer traditions and a sense of normalcy.
It may feel silly to be upset about things like not being allowed to go on your vacation, especially when we look at what others are going through. But it’s important to understand and validate your own experiences. If these are things that matter to you, then it can be considered a loss.
No matter the situation, there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining (asking yourself the infamous “what if” questions), sadness, and acceptance, and when we lose our jobs or have to cancel that once-in-a-lifetime trip, all of those emotions and reactions will come up in various ways. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common, and grief isn’t a straight line. Just because you stopped having bargaining thoughts and are feeling sad, doesn’t mean those thoughts won’t come back again. Be patient and understanding of yourself as you go through this process.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways, so you want to be mindful of your reactions to your loss. An unhealthy way of coping could be withdrawing from people or using substances. Here are some tips for healthy ways to cope with your loss:
Validate your emotions
Whether you’re sad, mad, disappointed, or anything in between, validate your feelings. Your experience is true to you, and it’s important to be understanding and not minimize things for yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone’s situation is unique to themselves and it’s not fair to you (or them) to say they have it “better” or “worse.” It’s more beneficial to validate your emotions and work to accept the situation. This is what will help you feel better in the end. When we try to say something isn’t a big deal or push it down like it doesn’t matter, it always comes back stronger. Addressing it right away will allow you to better understand your emotions and come to terms with the situation.
Find the positives
Although it’s important to validate your own feelings, you don’t want to dwell on the negative, so try to find the positives as well. Are you able to save money? Spend more time with your immediate family? Get caught up on home projects? There’s always a silver lining. When you can’t change your situation, you have to look at how you can make the best of it. Reframing things changes our mindset and outlook. We’re then in better moods and are better able to cope with what is thrown our way.
Turn to others for support
Turn to friends and family for support. Tell them how you’re feeling and ask them about their own experience. Given that the pandemic is impacting everyone, it’s likely they’re experiencing a loss as well. Knowing you’re not alone in something can be helpful. Finding out what they’re doing might give you ideas for what you can do to help yourself. It’s also important to remember that turning to others for support doesn’t necessarily meaning sitting and talking about the problem. Doing something fun together can be beneficial.
Take care of yourself
With most people still working from home and kids out of school, it’s been hard for people to create structure and boundaries for themselves. We have more distractions, and many people are working longer hours because there isn’t that clear cut-off time of leaving the office. Creating a schedule will give you a work-life balance and a sense of normalcy that we crave. Self-care is a key piece in helping ourselves through losses. It lifts our mood and helps us cope. The two most important things to keep in mind when it comes to your self-care are always going to be your sleep and your diet. Our bodies need rest and fuel, so you need to make sure you’re getting enough sleep and eating nutritious foods. If this is taken care of, handling the rest will seem more manageable.
We’ve never experienced a pandemic in our lifetime, and as it goes on, people are having a harder time with the disruptions. We all want our lives to go back to “normal,” but realistically losses due to COVID-19 are going to continue for a while. Fall classes might be online, holiday travel might be disrupted, and so on. Following these tips will make getting through this time a bit easier. We can’t necessarily control what we lose, but we can control how we respond and how it impacts us. This is the piece we want to focus on. If you’re having trouble with this, grief counseling can help!
Dr. Amelia Powelson is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), and the owner of Perspective Psychology, LLC. She can be reached at 312.588.9672 or amelia@perspectivepsychchicago.com.