Consider Self-Compassion this Spring

You’ve made it to March, a new month. Well done!

Have you noticed the sun rising earlier, your days feeling slightly longer? Have you noticed yourself feeling slightly more awake, slightly more optimistic? This might be connected to another Midwest season change bringing us one step closer to spring. 

As we move closer to warmer weather, I want to encourage you to practice a new skill using a concept called “self-compassion.” 

What is self-compassion, you ask? According to Dr. Kristin Neff “Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.”

Self-compassion can be a broad term meaning to use patience with yourself, or to practice forgiveness towards yourself when things don’t go the way you had hoped. It can include finding acceptance in not being a perfect human with perfect traits, or choosing to rest when you need, especially when you’re not feeling your best. Self-compassion can also include giving yourself credit and acknowledgement for completing even small tasks, or participating in self-care or activities that bring you joy as you practice being kind to yourself. 

Another aspect is understanding that challenges are unavoidable and difficult days are part of the human process. We all have good days and bad. When things in life don’t feel like they’re going in the right direction, we can lean into patience and our support systems. We can also practice coping tools to help us manage tough days and move forward towards better days. 

So, is self-compassion a new concept for you? That’s okay! Here are some starting points to consider as you add self-compassion to your mental health repertoire: 

1. Self-talk. Take a moment to consider the language you use when you think or talk to yourself. Do you use negative or self-defeating statements such as, “I didn’t get enough done today,” “I’m never good enough,” “I don’t deserve that [break, promotion, compliment],” etc.? The way we talk to ourselves might actually be reinforcing negative thinking or self-criticism, as opposed to giving credit for the little tasks you have completed or your strengths, such as getting out of bed in the morning, showing up to work, or washing the dishes. Sprinkle in some “…at least I got X done today,” “I made it outside for some fresh air,” “I was a good listener for a friend today,” "I kept my cool even though X was stressful,” etc.

2. Perspective. When things get stressful, they can become magnified. When you feel anxious internally, any task can become magically huge, daunting, insurmountable. Acknowledge this. And then zoom out. If we can find ways to manage that immediate anxiety to complete a task, we can more easily “zoom out” from believing that task was so big it was hopeless to even consider attempting. Taking a moment to give yourself a more realistic, objective, and level-headed perspective provides an opportunity to see that most tasks are very much achievable. 

3. Imagine. Imagine if a close friend or loved one came to you for advice, shared their own self-defeating thoughts, or told you they were struggling with their mental health. How would you respond? With kindness and empathy, most likely. Now, why aren’t you saying that to yourself? Share with yourself the same kindness you might share with your best friend, your beloved grandparent, your furry pet, and then see how that adjustment makes you feel afterwards. 

As you can see, self-compassion is an idea worth remembering, a skill worth practicing. Once we start to introduce the idea into our thoughts, it makes more and more sense, and ultimately helps us better manage even difficult days more effectively. So, be gentle with yourself and let me know how those spring flowers smell as you spend time outside these coming months.

Relationship counseling can increase our sense of awareness, improve how we think and feel about ourselves on challenging days, and teach us the building blocks to practice being more kind to ourselves. Therapists at Perspective Psychology are here for you if you would like to build self-compassion into your life.

Aimee Fizor is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) at Perspective Psychology. She can be reached at 312.219.4707 or aimee@perspectivepsychchicago.com.