Creating Lasting Change Isn’t Just About Actions; It’s Also About Mindset
It’s inevitable. The new year is a time for reflection and, for many people, resolutions. We indulge in the holiday season, then come January we give ourselves a pep talk about all the changes we are going to make. We feel energetic and optimistic, but maybe most of all, we feel inspired.
It’s a powerful feeling.
Inevitably, though, a setback occurs. Work gets crazy. A relationship ends. Flu season rears its ugly head. You take a break from your resolution, and before you know it, you’ve ended it altogether.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Creating lasting change can be difficult, but it is attainable. It’s not just about changing your actions. It’s also about changing your mindset. How you approach things makes a difference. Don’t focus solely on the physical things you want to change, whether it’s exercising, healthy eating, organization, or time-management. Focus on why you want to make those changes and what’s getting in your way.
Before we look at the mental aspect, it’s important to take a step back and look at your actual goals. Start with only one to two goals and break them down into “SMART” goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-sensitive goals. This helps you find a concrete starting point and path to reach the goal. You can always add on to your goals later or make completely different goals.
It is important not to overload yourself, especially when you are getting started. When we overload ourselves, we get overwhelmed, shut down, and no longer work towards our goals. Once you create your goals, follow the steps below:
1. Assess and understand why you want this change
How will your life be different once you reach this goal? It’s important to understand what is motivating you to make this change and the benefits of the change. Make sure you know why the goal is important to you, that you want it for yourself, and it’s not just what you think you’re supposed to do. If you want to lose weight, is it because you’re concerned about your health? Or is it because you want people to view you differently on social media? When the goal is personal to you, your motivation and ability to follow through go up.
2. Determine what success is to you
Create guidelines for yourself and a concrete plan of action. Do this by mapping out what success looks like for your goals and what needs to happen to get there. Set expectations. If your goal is to get more sleep, are you successful if you get a certain amount of hours a sleep a night? Or is the focus more on getting in bed at a certain time? There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s about what you want for yourself and what is attainable. Recognize that as you have more experience working towards your goals, you may have to adjust and make changes. We learn as we go.
3. Change your attitude
Focus on being your own cheerleader instead of your worst critic. It’s important to be kind to yourself. It’s hard to change something you don’t like. Therefore, if you have a bad attitude, it’s going to be more difficult to motivate yourself to work on the goal. Ask yourself, “If a friend came to me saying the negative thoughts I say to myself, what would I tell them?” Odds are you’d be much nicer to a friend than you are to yourself.
4. Give yourself breaks
No one is perfect. We can’t do 100 percent of everything 100 percent of the time, and that’s okay. Take time to be understanding of yourself and the obstacles you’re facing. If the task were easy, it wouldn’t be a goal in the first place. The trick is when you take that break, make sure you know when you’re starting again. Set an alarm or put it in your calendar.
5. Reflect and give yourself credit
It’s great to reflect and it’s something we should do regularly. It shows us both our progress and what’s getting in our way. We’re then able to make changes and also celebrate our successes. This includes giving yourself credit along the way. When you push through on the hard days, you deserve credit. Acknowledging your small successes is going to go a long way in motivating you to continue down this healthy path.
What does it all mean?
It means that whether you’ve fallen off the resolution wagon – or didn’t make one to begin with – you can still make changes. And you don’t have to wait until next January. Resolutions aren’t about a time of year; they’re about a mindset.
Ultimately, you are in control of your life. Making lasting change can be a slow process, especially when you’re doing it right. Be patient with yourself. It won’t be a straight line, and that’s okay. If you have a good mentality, you won’t give up on yourself, and you’ll find your way in your own time. If you find that you keep getting in your own way mentally, reach out for help. Life transitions counseling can be great tool when working on goals and changing your mindset.
Amelia Powelson is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of Perspective Psychology, LLC. She can be reached at 312.588.9672 or amelia@perspectivepsychchicago.com.