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Putting It In Perspective

How To Build Your Self-Esteem

Do you question if you’re good enough? Are you always comparing yourself to others and coming up short? We’re our own worst critic, and these negative views toward ourselves can quickly take a toll on our self-esteem. Other people can impact our self-esteem, but what truly matters is how we view ourselves. Our perspective and outlook.

Self-esteem is based on your own evaluation of your competence and self-worth. It’s tied to your confidence. What you feel you’re capable of doing. Self-esteem is an important concept to examine because how we view ourselves determines how we interact with others and the world around us. It helps shape our experiences.

Although we often categorize someone as having high or low self-esteem, it’s a continuum. And since our life experiences impact it, it’s easy for it go up and down throughout our lives. Getting a promotion can help increase your self-esteem, whereas making mistakes during meetings can cause it to go back down. No matter your life circumstances, there are a few things you can do to boost your self-esteem and keep it at a healthy level.

Know yourself. When we know ourselves, we feel surer of ourselves and trust our judgments, which leads to feeling more competent and having higher self-esteem. Determine your values and priorities and then focus on living life in accordance with them. This foundation gives you guidance and helps you feel stronger mentally.

Build confidence. One of the biggest reasons people have low self-esteem is because they aren’t confident. Confidence and self-esteem are often used interchangeably, mostly because they impact each other so much. Both are about knowledge and believing in yourself.  It’s important to remember that you don’t have to know it all or be good at everything to be confident. Acknowledging and accepting both your strengths and weaknesses is a valuable component.

Confidence is shown both inwards and outwards. As a result, it’s important to look at how you’re presenting yourself to others in addition to how you feel about yourself. Your tone of voice and body language make a difference in whether you come across as confident. You want to stand tall and speak clearly. Appearing timid gives people the wrong impression.

Challenge your negative and irrational thoughts. These are the thoughts about not being good enough or that you’re never going to succeed. It’s important to remind ourselves that just because we think something doesn’t mean it’s true. You have to ask yourself, “What evidence do I have to show that this thought is accurate?” Since we can find a little bit of truth in everything, you might have to go the extra step of asking yourself, “Is this evidence realistic?” This helps us put things in perspective and gives us a clearer, more accurate outlook. It’s easier for our self-esteem to grow if we’re not clouded by negative thoughts.

Use positive self-talk. Give yourself positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths as well as the positive things that exist in your life. This may feel awkward at first, but it’s about reframing your experiences. Our minds are prone to go to the negative, and this conscious effort helps you form a different, positive point of view. Thinking about positives helps motivate us, and the more we are productive and accomplish things, the better we feel about ourselves, which leads to higher self-esteem. 

Building your self-esteem can help you in many ways. Your mood can improve and you’re able to live a healthier, happier life due to viewing yourself in a positive light. Higher self-esteem can lead you to feeling more confident and less concerned about what others think, which lessens anxiety. You may not be as afraid to stick up for yourself. This can allow you to feel more in charge of your life and open to new experiences. It’s easier to take risks when you feel good about yourself.

Ultimately, self-esteem is a mindset. It’s not about what you literally can and cannot do. So, get to know yourself, build your confidence, challenge your self-defeating thoughts, and think about the positives in life. By simply changing your perspective, you can go from your own worst critic to your own biggest fan. And that is something we all need, and relationship counseling can help you learn how.

 

Amelia Powelson is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of Perspective Psychology, LLC. She can be reached at 312.588.9672 or amelia@perspectivepsychchicago.com.