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Putting It In Perspective

What to Expect From Grief Counseling and How It Helps

Knowing how to move forward in life while you are processing a loss and feel stuck in the past can seem like an impossible challenge. You may remember what joy felt like, but ever since the loss, it hasn't felt like an option.

Grief isn’t something you have to work through alone. There are grief counselors specifically equipped to help people struggling with intense loss regain control over their lives and cope with feelings of guilt, longing, and hopelessness along the way.

How do you know if grief counseling is right for you? Having a better understanding of grief can help you decide.

Breaking Down The Six Types of Grief

We feel grief when we lose something important to us. This can be the death of a loved one or any type of significant loss. Break-ups, losing a job, coping with a disability, moving to a new state, immigrating to another country—many different things can cause grief.

Those experiencing normal or “uncomplicated” grief accept the loss but with a yearning for what or who was lost. The pain comes in waves, at times being intense and other times being small. After about six months, the waves will lessen in magnitude, come by less frequently, and only feel big again when faced with specific triggers. (Holidays and anniversaries of someone’s passing can be particularly triggering for people.)

Complicated grief disrupts a person’s life for longer than six months. Researchers estimate that up to 20% of people who grieve feel complicated grief. This can feel like a never-ending yearning for the person or thing lost, frequent thoughts of them, the belief that life is meaningless, social withdrawal, and a lack of control over emotions and thoughts. You may also desperately cling to reminders of the loss. (Or avoid them at all costs.)

Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder (PCBD) describes debilitating grief that lasts longer than one year for adults or six months for children. It includes preoccupation with how the loss occurred, a lack of acceptance of the loss, intense anger and bitterness, feelings of guilt or shame related to the loss, loneliness, and thoughts of suicide.

Delayed grief describes the late processing of a loss (weeks to months after it took place) due to initial shock. Your body might wait until it feels safe again to fully address the pain.

Disenfranchised grief makes space for outside voices to dictate personal feelings of grief. You may feel reluctance like you're “not allowed” to grieve. The loss of more distant relatives or short romantic relationships can cause people to feel this way, though they must work through grief like anyone else.

If you know a loss is coming, you may feel anticipatory grief. You may also experience this leading to an anniversary or strong reminder of the loss. People who grew up in broken homes often grieve the loss of their family unit leading up to holidays. Sometimes this can be experienced if someone is battling a terminal illness.

Feeling Grief in The Body

Grief can show in the body in some or all of these ways:

  • Chest pain (described as a “broken heart” feeling)

  • Deep ache in your stomach

  • Extreme fatigue

  • Heart palpitations

  • Changes in appetite

  • Digestive issues

  • Weight change

  • Tense, achy muscles

  • Longer and/or more frequent colds

  • Sleep deprivation

  • Brain fog and headaches

Goals to Bring to Grief Counseling

The goal of grief counseling is entirely up to you. Whether you’re looking for healthy coping skills, relief from the pain, a re-introduction to joy, help in finding your purpose again, or ways to feel connected to whomever or whatever you lost, grief therapists can help.

Grief counseling is a safe space to express yourself without judgment. We sometimes feel pressure around friends and family to keep up a certain appearance or attitude, even in the face of death or loss. But the job of a therapist is to help you open up honestly so we can work on cognitive restructuring that brings you joy instead of distress.

Do you feel ready to explore grief counseling? Reach out today to schedule an appointment. We would love to help you process your loss and move forward.